When I launched this blog I was hoping it would be about my new life as a completely new person who has it all figured out. The purpose of the blog is to help other people figure out how to live a more complete and sober free healthy lifestyle like me. But I was extremely motivated for a variety of reasons last year that were driving me to live that way. Now that I am approaching year two, I find I am struggling to maintain that same drive. The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite and a failure.

Last year I gave up drinking and immediately went on a 5 to 6 day a week hot yoga and healthy eating lifestyle. This helped me tremendously with loosing weight and feel mentally strong. I lost about 40+ pounds and felt great! I had mental clarity and goals I wanted to achieve. But for some reason, I couldn’t maintain this lifestyle it slowly started to slip away.

I ask myself, where and why did it go wrong? Last year, around October 2015, I hurt my shoulder. My “balls to the wall” yoga ended me up in the ER. I suddenly had calcium tinnitus in my shoulder. The doctor explained I probably had a previous shoulder injury and the calcium decided to deposit in the tear in my muscle, which then got inflamed resulting in the most excruciating pain of my life! After a huge syringe was inserted into my shoulder delivering steroids to help the pain, it took months to get the movement back in my shoulder. This injury soon resulted in my weight gain, because I wasn’t able to participate in Yoga any longer and began to live a sedentary lifestyle and over eating.

I am the type of person that is either balls to the wall 100 percent All IN or NOT IN at zero percent. I have a hard time with hanging in the middle at a balanced life. “A little bit of this, a little bit of that” turns into “a lot of this and a lot of that!”

The strange thing is, I thought when I stopped drinking that this alone was going to help me loose weight. Initially I think it did, but not for the reasons I thought. When I gave up drinking I was no longer hung over, which enabled me to work out. I had more energy and I wasn’t going out at all to happy hour or drinking events so I would work out instead.

Now that almost all of the weight is back, and I am in a “slump,” I am beginning to think it isn’t just the drinking that leads me to an unhealthy way of life. Drinking doesn’t help, but it isn’t just the alcohol, it is depression. Several years ago I was diagnosed with mild depression and PTS. I will write about my diagnosis another time. I thought that the temporary depression I experience is now more of a serious issue. The alcohol I was drinking was only “medicating” the underlying depression that I have from time to time. I have now discovered that excessive alcohol use and depression can go hand in hand. The scariest part is now that I don’t drink excessively; I don’t have anything to numb the pain.

Now that I have some clarity of what is going on with me, I can now write about it and hopefully you can relate and we can get through it together.


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